Birthday

1.31.2026

Tomorrow I'll turn twenty-four. I never really held my birthday to such importance, and I know I probably should if I want to promote self-love. But I just don't feel like I'm important enough to have a birthday.

I think I'm too hard on myself. This year I plan to care a bit more about my special day. Not just in matters of indulgence or the material, but more mindfully. I should care more about myself in order to preserve myself. After all, I'm the one who will forever be constant in my life. Not in a static way, but in a "I should start to love myself more because I'll be stuck with me forever" way.

So, what are some ways I can healthily acknowledge my birthday? I suppose buying myself something I've wanted for a while would count. Or telling others what I actually want leading up to the day would, too. I'm one of those people who feel guilty for asking for things, or hell, even just existing. For my birthday wish, I need to start taking up space unabashedly. I need to stop people-pleasing and get a hold of myself.

I'm almost a quarter century old, which means I likely already lived past my quarterly years of life and didn't even know it. A quarter is such a small chunk of life. And yet, there are so many more years left to live and practice caring more about myself while I still have the chance to.

There are so many important things I have accomplished last year leading up to this birthday that I'm actually really proud of. It's like a New Year's Resolution Extraordinaire part two for me. I got to see Will Wood live for the first time, I came out as trans to my mother (though, it didn't go well), and I even gained extra weight that I needed. And there's so many more things I have yet to unlock. Like driving out of state on my own for the first time. Or working a full time job. Or going to an IKEA.

I'm not sure how I really feel about my age. I still feel eighteen, if you ask me. Twenty-four feels like I should have accomplished way more. Like I should have already figured out my life by now. I should have dated by now. I should have moved out by now. But some of those things, like dating…I just don't find myself needing right now. Sure, I feel fomo at times, but I guess I'm just happy I made it this far without it. Without the heartbreak and tangled mess of drama. But my opinion on romantic relationships is a blog topic for another day.

I feel like most people make a bigger deal about their birthday than people like me. And I think that's fine for them. I wish I could be more like them. Have the confidence to care about myself more. But I'm still working on it. And that's enough for me right now.