Gender Journal
2.9.2026
I am transmasculine, and my experience upon finding out this about myself has been a rocky four years. Each year filled with self doubt and desperation. A want to be normal at the expense of being my true self. One way I have been able to maintain my sanity all these years is by keeping a gender journal, which I recommend to anyone in doubt of their gender.
Being transmasculine to me means that I prefer he/him pronouns and feel relatively male but was born with a female body. It's something that sounds straightforward in theory, but is complex the more you try to unravel it. And it's hard. It's hard to want to think about your gender when all your life you have probably been averse or indifferent to it. Accepting that you're anything but the 'norm' is hard and accepting who you are can be a tedious journey if you're anything like me.
Who am I? What pronouns do I prefer? What even is gender to me? Do people even have genders or aren't we all just brains encased inside of skulls going through the motions of gender?
One way that's helped me unravel my gender is by keeping a gender journal. I encourage everyone who is full of doubt about their gender to do the same. It has helped organize my thoughts and provides a place to be whoever I feel like in the moment. I can be doubtful. I can be confident. I can try any pronouns I want to. I can even contradict myself--all because I gave myself the space to do so.
Some examples of what to include in your gender journal include trying out different pronouns on yourself, tracking positive and negative interactions with your gender (such as public interactions or what you like to be perceived as), name ideas, and inspirational content that helps you move forward. I started mine out as a way to track how I feel about my gender on a roughly weekly basis. Now, it has evolved into a way to assure myself I haven't gone crazy over the course of almost 5 years.
When you learn how to use journaling as a tool, you get granted the gift of hindsight. Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a gender crisis or spiraling self-doubt? The journal is here to help! Just flip back to whatever entry and you are backed up 100%. Even keeping a standard journal of your day-to-day life can be an invaluable resource.
Journaling all of my doubts, worries, and being honest with myself has helped me through the worst. Additionally, journaling all of the things that make me feel good about myself has boosted my confidence more in my identity. All the positive interactions I've had with people, the correct gendering (even if by mistake), and all the euphoria I've felt adds up over time and paints a clearer picture of who I am and want to be. However, remember that journaling your gender is only one step in your journey. Just try not to overthink yourself into oblivion.
Author's Note: the following resources are very helpful for people questioning their gender among other related inquiries: